Thoughts on 2012

Ever since I was very small my favourite films have always been end of the world esque epics. Godzilla films (I'm a King Ghidirah whore), The Towering Inferno, Jaws... Ok the last one isn't an end of the world film, but it's early and my brain is addled.

In more recent years there have been these disaster movies which I've watched diligently, Independence Day, American Godzilla (insert bleh face here), The Day After Tomorrow and the film I watched last night.... 2012.

Ignoring Godzilla (which I really only put in the list so I had a slightly longer list) these films all have something in common... They're all shit. Not shit as in bad acting, or whatever, just sickening. This is the END of the freaking WORLD. One bloke driving a limo with his deeply boring ex missus and her new husband (who the film was clearly trying to get everyone to hate, I dunno why, ok so categorically if you drive a porsche you're on the lower end of the sliding scale of humanity. But the kids obviously loved him as did boring woman so he wasn't doing that badly so why the hatred?) along with his kids, one of which was very sweet and wore a hat the other was just... meh, through mass destruction with 20 gazillionty people dying all at the same time and surviving. I mean I can suspend disbelief but SERIOUSLY!

I'm not going to offer up any spoilers (I'm pretty certain you've all seen the 5 minute clip) but I think a more realistic end of the world (ie, it actually being the end of the bloody world) would have worked well for this movie. Cos the special effects are AWESOME, and that's awesome in the proper sense of the word (mouth gaping slightly, eyes wide etc).

In another 'slightly' ranty moment. Wtf is it with the portrayal of the british in american big budget movies? It almost seems there is a stock choice of four british stereotypes which they employ from.

1) Old, wellspoken and sinister: Sir Anthony Hopkins, Ian McKellen et al
2) Foppish and bewildered: Hugh Grant
3) Mad: Various obscure actors who prolly appeared in old Micheal Caine films.
4) Shaven headed and from London: Vinnie Jones, Jason Statham.

(There is actually a fifth category of british but being american which I believe was copywrited by Ewan McGregor)

Also if britain needs to be featured it will be shown to be britain by the inclusion of Big Ben in the background somewhere.

All that aside, my recomendation if you want to watch a proper end of the world movie is to go and watch Cloverfield, so long as you skip the stupid bit in the park, it's pure gold.

On the Subject of Roles

Rhishanna Regina did a blog post recently on the subject of roleplay, and this reminded me of a blog post which I had been sat on (in my mind) for a some time. In the comments of the post is a comment by Saffia Widdershins asking at what point does roleplay become roleplay?

While it may be surprising to some, in RL I do not swank around in various scanty outfits drops hundreds of pounds on a pair of shoes that I will probably only wear once. Nor am I a noted member of the community (I'm claiming my wikia entry as my notability in SL, so nyer). I also don't occasionally drop and suck for complete strangers (although tempting). Therefore in SL I am playing a role, essentially me, but a more improved me with less constraints.

But by the same token I'm not making out to be something I'm not, I don't know diddly squat about RL fashion. I can't tell you this seasons colours, and I wouldn't be able to spot a trend if it slapped me in the face. I just like my jeans, DC's and occasional titty top. This is (I hope) reflected in my 'fashion' blog posts. I don't tell you what something could be paired with, or attempt to name the 'cut' of a skirt, because I don't know these things. I just tell you that 'ZOMG awesomeness' and have done with. However there are a lot of people out that do these things, and cynical lil me calls shenanigans on their credentials.

One example that springs to mind is the whole 'what's in my bag' thing. I generally don't carry huge inflatable dildos in my bag, so are people in SL really swanning around with retardedly expensive make up and Louis Vuitton purses in RL? Are they actually like me, with a couple of expensive things that the never use but worship quietly? Or are they the scary girls who had long gleaming hair and a pony back in school?

I think it all boils down to me missing the olden days of SL, you didn't get supermodels who design skins in their spare time. Everyone could pretty much be expected to be a RL social outcast in one way or another. People with problems finding solace in a place where they could be who they wanted to be and learn new things and achieve some sort of greatness for it.

I can keep secrets (but not my own)

Secrets and lies is and awesome film, and also what has been flying around second life and the intrawebz for years and years. The above book by Sophie Kinsella is also very awesome. The long a short of it is that in a moment of terror aboard a plane a woman spills all her secrets to the man in the next seat, blah blah blah, happiness, love, the end. What is interesting is the secrets, her babbling diatribe is simply awesome, accompanied with head nodding and smiling from the reader.

After my last post several people said in comments and IM's that they feel the same, it shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. I guess you get bogged down in your own reservations and paranoias. So now I lay the rest f my secrets bare. Why? Why the fuck not, maybe someone shares similar things and it's an extra bond in a friendship. Maybe someone will take courage from it to spill with a secret that needs to be told. Maybe someone will take it and use it against me. At the end of the day I'm not really bothered. Take this as a meme, take it as thought fodder. Shit, you can take it up a seedy back alley in the dead of night hehe. Here goes...

Silly Secrets

I once woke up after a very very drunken night out desperate for a wee, so I pegged it to the toilet but didn't quite make it.

I once stole a block of cheese from a supermarket I later worked for and I still feel guilty about it.

I hate smileys, and the little heart shapes people make, and also mwahs and muahs. I understand that it's cute but I can never ever bring myself to respond in a similar fashion.

In SL I'll change my clothes every 2 hours, but in RL I'm happy wearing the same pair of jeans for a week.

I love sex, I don't know many people who hate it. But I have almost nymphamaniac qualities about sex. Some days it's an obsession that clouds my mind to anything else.

Somedays I just want to be left alone but I'm too polite to say anything.

I once shot a crow and killed it for no other reason than I had a big powerful air rifle and was bored.


Big Secrets

At my last estimate I was around about £18k in debt. And I don't care anymore.

I cheated on someone once in my life and still feel incredbly bad about it.

I think I play on my computer far too much, but I can't seem to stop myself.

I also have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I used to write frequent a short story website, of the four stories I wrote two of them were based on my RL experiences and I was surprised how hurt I was when people critiqued my stories like they were fiction.

I'd love to come to a RL meet up but truth of the matter is I'm terrified to meet people outside of the nicely rounded pixels of Kitty Lalonde, and this will probably mean I will never go.

I was fostered at the age of 15 and my foster 'father' was a pedophile. He was sent to prison 10 years later for sexually assaulting 4 of his own children. Although I made statements and was set to testify in court, my case was never heard and I'm still bitter about it.

My ex husband died nearly three months ago and I still miss him terrible. Even though we were long seperated when he passed away he was one of the best things that happened to me in my life and his death is the reason why some days I can't even watch the X factor without crying. The night before he died I couldn't sleep, I was up til 6am fighting back the urge to go and drive out and just sit with him in the hospital. The fact I didn't will haunt me for the rest of my life. The land I let him live on in SL will forever be left as he left it and it hurts too much for me to go there.

I'm crying as I write this.



Admittedly that's not all my secrets, the mind goes blank when you actually try to type it. It is a large majority however. So there you go.

Invisible

There has been a great deal of hoohah about the SL Secrets thing, I dunno if it's a good idea or a bad one, but that's unimportant. The above picture would have been mine if I could have been arsed to send it in. The words I would have added to it are undecided, however the sentiment remains. Have you ever been at a party and felt like you were watching it rather than participating. Well, I feel like that a lot, and not just at parties either.

Interactions with a group of people have always left me feeling distress on some level. Was I boring, was I trying to hard, did my sarcasm translate meanly to one or more people? Am I not funny, am I too funny? Did I try to take over like some sort of attention seeking monster. Constantly trying to police yourself isn't an easy task, especially when you have a lack of thought editor between your brain and your mouth like I do. Then it all mounts up to this terrible feeling of fifth wheeledness.

I've had this feeling for far too long now and it's slowly doing my head in. I believe I'm forever destined to be the random person. The perpetual gatecrasher of circles of good friends, so I shall be sticking to one to ones from this point. Why try to keep up with the next door neighbours when you have eden sitting in outside your back door. I feel like I've neglected Tie at times recently, and now I'm making amends, she's so amazingly wonderful and I can't think of a better person to take on the world with.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!

Gestures, no not the random shitty howls you get in SL, I mean gestures towards other folk, tokens of appreciation that range from a hug to buying 10 sims so you can spell out I Love You across the maps screen (If anyone does this for you. marry them).

Some people make daily gestures that show their love, compliment, smiles and touches that let you know how cherished you are. Other people will go in for some convoluted plot of pwning proportions to get the message across. I'm one of the later, here's a brief example of how I roll. I went out for a 'walk' to see my 'friend', in the meantime Tie was directed to SL and a date in a room (which I had made/paid for). Upon arriving she was sent on a wild goosechase around search and classified, eventually leading her out to the RL car. In the car was a card with instructions to go to a petrol station around 10 miles away. I was waiting at the station and we swooshed up the A30 to have a picnic.

This is possibly my proudest moment in the dating world. Yes I was stuck sat like a muppet outside a petrol station for well over an hour cos SL's search fucked up, yes from the point when we were reunited I felt like I was a massive anticlimax. But still.

It does make me ponder though. Are grand gestures really necessary? Which would you prefer, lots and little, or vast and infrequent? Is it all entirely necessary and how long can you keep either up for?

I'm stumped on this one, my personal opinion is that grand gestures indicate levels of love felt, that however is prolly mostly who I am, and my skewed vision on couples, love and the world at large. However I do know that it makes me happy to do these things and that I shall continue to do so.