Newness

Well the time has come for me to grow up and stop playing on the intrawebz.... I JEST!

I just gots a domain! So now you can find all our adventures at broadlyoffensive.com WOOO!

Getting old now

Thank fuck and all things relating to fuck that avatars don't age! This is my av in 20 years time


Do yourself at In 20 years.com

My Wife the Clever Bunny

Now I know I jest a lot about Tie's occasional bouts of silliness but I do love her very very much and think she is more awesome than a bagful of hybrid otters.

So this is just me going LOOK HOW COOL MY WIFE IS by showing you pictures (and a video) of her last build, although to be perfectly honest I could have just shoved in a picture of her arse cos she just radiates epicness.

Anyhoo


The whole thing is a seaside village, as you can see from the picture at the top, except it's got all these little walkways and steps hidden amidst the houses. Meaning you can get lost (I did, repeatedly -.-)


I loved these steps and the dock which is why I took many many photos of them.


Annoyingly enough this is for someone else, I don't get to live here *cries*


Woot for windlight!


This one was taken with shadow viewer, although I can't take proper snapshots and have to do print screens so ignore the sucky quality!


Shadow Viewer again

Steps in shadow viewer



Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand the video.

Playing with Windlight

For ages I had sulked about people taking super awesome pictures of places and when I went there the places/I sucked. So I thought "Meh", and decided to take my withered photoshop skills and hide them in a box to be forgotten. Then I remembered Torley had made a buttload of windlight presets and decided to have a play.

Now I'm not saying there wasn't some sort of awesome photoshoppery, but in some cases you can see that they'd just used some pleasing presets. One of the problems however is that there is a huge selection of presets, and it's hard work going through them all. So I'm mostly writing this for me to remember but you can all look at it too cos I'm nice like that!

All these were taken at Error, cos it's a bloody lovely sim and has lots of water which is helpful.



Up first, Holy Romance sky setting and Subtleties in the water. Kinda of a generic purty sunset thang.
This is Das Fog and Coral Reef, it looks kind of bleak and windswept, but with awesome reflections in the water (oh I should say, scuse me for sticking my arse in all the pictures, but I was lazy and lagged and couldn't be bothered to move)


This one is all alien and mystic, you can almost see Mulder and Scully burrowing in the undergrowth like voles. Obtained using Metal Gear Solid and Meridian Verde.

Fairytale Glow and Subtleties, I prefer hazier settings, and FG is very crisp, but it does look farkin cool. Would also work well with Ice-Like...

Which is seen here in combination with Use On Fine Ships. Ice-Like is prolly my favourite preset. You can get some really cool walking on clouds sort of looks with sky settings like Pink Sink and Peach Peche.


This one is Ice-Like with Purple Wisps and Egg Yolk (names ftw)


If you've ever used these settings you'll prolly have noticed most of them don't work very well on avatars, bleaching them and making them look like they're in a microwave. So I went through the whole list to try and find some cool ones.


From left to right: Evil Machinery, Planet Xmas, Phlogiston, Pale Incabon and Holy Romance.

Some of these are pure arty, Evil Machinery looks like crazy popart, Planet Xmas is green, very green. And kinda bronzy in a green way. Phlogiston would be good for darkened silhouettes. With slivers of light on the edges. Pale Incabon is just very nice soft light to look pretty in. Also loving the light with Holy Romance, kind of a stripper setting (I think about stuff in terms of strippers, ok?)


Set 2 from left to right: Ramshaguld, Rimmerthal, Sky as Canvas, Das Fog and Deep Blue Sky 2.
Ramshaduld looks like you're standing by a bofire on a very dark night, in world it even flickers which looks very very cool. Rimmerthal in my small opinion would be great with really bright clothing or if you love playing with contrast, SaC is another stripper one and Das Fog works the same as Ana Lutetia's Studio 2 Whiter setting which if you don't have you are FAIL. Deep Blue Sky looks very cold, which I like.


Last Set left to right (again): Farmotropic Sepia, Where Were, Slips Through Walls 6 and Climacontravasty.
FS is another good contrast one, although less darker than previous although can be iffy on faces, Where Were is another stripper one but more vibrant. STW6 is just crazy funk and Climawotsit has a really nice bronze effect on the bewblies, so go and take pictures of your tits.

If anyone has any ossm settings please let me know, I love playing with this stuff!

(Oh and here's a >> link << to Torleys settings if you don't have them!)

I haz sea kitten

Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!

I gots gestures

Okies, so after my ranty post about gestures apparently people paid attention, so here for your delectation is my datey date WOO!

All dates should start with ice cream, I believe it was mentioned the 1874 treaty on dating rights. Notice I shaved my armpits cos I r classy.


After delicious iced goodness we too off on a canoeing expedition, these canoes are actually exceptionally good fun until you have to stop and end up crashing into several previously peaceful fisherman. Oh and seagulls, ducks, walls, sim edges, rocks, trees and your date.

And then fishing, note the competitive postures? The rods were entirely in japanese and neither of us could make head nor tail of them (Even Druss who is fluent in Cantonese *snort*) however I seemed to be better at catching the retarded fish than he was so I lent him a 'lucky charm'....


Credits for the cat have to go to Loaf who founded it and gave it me as a prize! While it may look disturbing in the picture, when rezzed it is doubly so, it's supercilious glaring face following you wherever you may look.. Needless to say it frightened the fish as much as it frightened Druss.


Okay, this is where it gets awesome, the above picture is of the room that was made by a certain sexy someone especially for one dinner. I'm still grinning by how insanely romantic the whole thing was.


Mmm steak.

So yes, I've had a date and I am going to be SMUG about the whole thing for AGES... Nyer!

Ok ok, still simboarding, sorry!

Kittens will be on their way soon, but.... I has found something new! (Well, Coley found it, but I be blogging it) Anyhoo, tis called simboarding, and it has to be the coolest thing ever, not crappy jerky skateboards from other places but this thing is smoother than a metal dildo, faster than said dildo on a porn set, and slicker than the floor afterwards (I be horny, you shush now).

You can do the half pipe and get air on this thing! Actual air, not floating off miles away and ending up in a tree, oh no. You go up, you turn round, you come back down, just like a proper sk8or yo! Also you can 'pimp' your board, although I found that my board didn't appreciate being thrown at the denizens of hard alley in a mini skirt, so I settled for making a lil design for it in PS... Fnar fnar.


So, you should all go and get one and we can all while away the wee hours zooming and whooshing up and down and making up excitering lingo. Bodacious! *coughs*

Also, I had a thought for a meme (murhahahahaha) but I cannae remember it now, and I have a "how to get laid in SL (maybe)" hud thing to explain about. I'm sorta tempted to plop it on the fashion feed, but I'd rather jam a cheesegrater up my arse so maybe not.

Huzzah!

SIMBOARDING!!!!!!

Go and get a sim board immediately.

Oh and go me I made a video!


Simboarding in Second Life from Kitty Lalonde on Vimeo.

Scawwy

I was perusing I Am Bored the other day and it contained a link to The 10 Most Terrifying Video Game Enemies of All Time.

Being the video game fangirl that I am I had to take a peek, and whilst I agreed with a couple I thought the list was, well, a bit lame. So here is my own personal list of 5 least favourite thingies in pooter games.

5 - Sonic the Hedgehog.

Yeah, it was in the original list, but it was true, that fucking music that started up with the oh so cheesily fonted countdown timer on screen instantly caused "Oh my fucking god where's the bubbles? I need to get out NOW" hysterics.

4 - Resident Evil 2

The game was full of nasty things but was my favouritest of all the Resi's. God knows how many times I played it through to get some sort of quick time completion thingy. Things however got interesting when you unlocked the second stories. All very fun until helicopters started dropping flashing mac giant men. Who would stomp down the corridor in a mindless fashion intent on bludgeoning you to death with their big meaty fists. Bastards.

3 - T Rex from Tomb Raider

This one was a complete shock. I remember skipping quite cheerfully through the huge valley having dispatched the cheeky raptors with style and grace (jump and shoot ftw) when with no prior warning the biggest badly rendered lizard EVER stomps into view and promptly devours you, leaving you gibbering quietly at the screen and refusing to ever go back there.

2 - Silent Hill

I was kinda shocked by the lists complete lack of Silent Hill beings, while it was mostly the overall atmosphere of the game that left you pondering your sanity the monsters were mostly indistinguishable blobs with sharp bits. The ones that messed with my head the most were the black babies, or Larval Stalkers, to give them their proper name. These little blighters stalked the corridors of the school, didn't hurt you but made your radio go insane and squeaked in a wholly disturbing fashion at you. I actually couldn't sleep without the light on after them.

In joint first - Forbidden Siren and Warlock of Firetop mountain

Forbidden Siren was one of my blockbuster rental jobs, I had this game for 2 days and it was a love hate relationship. I loved it because it was very very well made, and had loads of clever little touches, however I hated it because it was FUCKING SCARY. You had this ability to see throught the eyes of the monster, when you could see what they were seeing you knew how you could sneak round them, useful as you'd foolishly been given no weapons. All very well and good until you see through the eyes of one who is looking at a hedge, and is making horrible guttaral breathing grunty noises. Then you skip round and they charge at you making more excited noises and then knock you over and eat/violate your near dead body. Nasty.

Warlock was one of the first games I ever played. It was on the spectrum and consisted of a map filled with pixellated spiders and little purple things. I doubt anyone else in the world has played it but it was fiendishly addictive. The plan was you'd run into rooms collecting keys and then go and fight a warlock kill him, open the chest, and escape... Apart from the fact that the warlock was the biggest cunt in the world and you didn't know which room he was in, and would often happen upon by mistake and get your arse handed to you. He was pure evil and I never ever managed to slay the little bastard, a sad fact that still haunts me today.

Teh Warlock!

Noodle Sandwiches

I have explained this elsewhere, but here, in full glorious photographic stylee is a simple guide to creating this chav/posh delicacy... Noodle Sandwiches.

Noodle sandwiches are loved by everyone, including small children who relish in spreading the sticky strands across their cherubic faces. Even kittens love them (but only when you're not holding a camera near them and screaming "Eat the fucking noodles you bastard, it'll be funny!").
They can also be cooked with just a kettle if you're in the wilds/in a bedsit.

First off, ingredients. You will require some batchelors super noodles (chicken is best), some butter or olive oil if you're all swanky (actually, fuck that, never tried it with olive oil and it may well be vile). And some sort of cheese, cheeses that work best are cheddar, smoked cheese and mozerella. You'll also need bread, a saucepan and some sort of mixing implement (not pictured)

Ingredients (duh)

Having created your noodles to the specifications on the packet, you'll have to grate/tear up your cheese into the pan. You may need to return it to the heat in order to melt it all in properly. You can also add other exciting things like ham and sweetcorn, but we'll keep it simple for now.

Goodness in a pan (That's mozerella by the by, not chicken)

Next you need to butter a piece of bread and flop your noodles to one side of said bread.

You really have to trust me on this

Next, fold up your bread to create a half sandwich.. Consume!

Yummy!

And there you have it folks, next week we shall be making fish pie!

Some sort of tagging crap...

Four Jobs

Selling catfood by cold calling - Mmmm that one was fun, though amazingly over the course of several months at least three people actually bought some.

Insurance queries twat - Even more fun.

Correlating traffic survey data - Yay for data entry!

Bookshop salespersonmuppet - No, you don't get to sit around reading all day sadly.

Four Favourite Fillums

True Romance - Just an awesome story.

The Big Lebowski - Because Kitty hates, loathes and detests it (though she hasn't even seen it, the weirdo)

Requiem for a Dream - Nasty, harrowing, depressing but very very cool nevertheless.

Ghost in the Shell - It's a more recent favourite, I think it's the music more than anything (though the whole thing is very beautiful).. totally hypnotic.

Four Places I've Been

I have to keep this list short and pathetic or Kitty will probably explode in a very messy pile of jealousy, so umm here are four fairly crap places.. yes they are honestly.

Croatia - If you're British be prepared to consume a lot of saliva as they don't like us very much and don't mention the war.

San Diego - It's really nasty and rains all the time, though if anyone felt to put a fish burrito in the post I'd be eternally grateful *pokes Trinity*

Rhyl (in Wales) - I was trying to get to Carlisle but got on the train going in the opposite direction.

Istanbul - I couldn't tell you much about it as I was only there for a day and had a terrible hangover.

Four Places I've Lived

Leamington Spa - too posh, apparently.

Manchester - Less bad than most people think.

Worthing - Where you go to die.

Cornwall - YAY

Four Favourite TV Shows

Ummm, I don't really watch any tv shows religiously anymore but from back in the day...

Chicago Hope - Nobody else ever watched it but as hospital programs go I thought it was great!

Neighbours/Home and Away - blah blah

Crystal Maze - Until it changed and became crap.

Twin Peaks - Weird goodness.

Four Favourite Radio Shows

Trinala obviously, I like their lunchtime news updates and traffic reports. Umm can't think of any others. Oh, Trinala maybe?

Four Places I'd Rather Be

Here but in some sort of slightly altered dimension type thing where I have loads of money.


Yay it's over!

Tie and Kitty are SERIOUS fashionistas...

Not like the rest of you wannabe's.

Here's the proof.

Tiernan Serpentine: You is all nakie!
Kitty Lalonde: Am not
Tiernan Serpentine tweaks the chains piercing your nipples and nods, "nuh uh, so are
Kitty Lalonde: I believe, as you just so eloquently emoted, I'm wearing chains, and therefore, according to Gladwill's 13th law on dress sense and the occlusion of Greta, that I am, categorically, NOT naked
Kitty Lalonde smiles benignly
Tiernan Serpentine: Pffft don't talk to me about Gladwill's law, as we all know he was roundly condemned as irrelevant when the subclause of Giberny's general laws of fashion, design and toothwear were passed
Tiernan Serpentine shakes her head, staring at you in amazement
Tiernan Serpentine: Therefore, entirely nakie!
Kitty Lalonde: I would never have taken you for a Gibernite... Never
Kitty Lalonde is stunned
Tiernan Serpentine mutters something about the separatists, mentioning 'retards' under her breath
Kitty Lalonde: I am not retardid
Tiernan Serpentine: You lot are so reactionary, just making a fuss about nothing
Tiernan Serpentine quotes from Giberny, ".... and thus, as aforementioned in the proceeding chapter, apropro of clause 3.7 and not disregarding the pending legislation, a chain covering the nipple may be classed as clothing but a chain passing through the uncovered nipple is only ever slutty and should be noted as such, furthermore...."
Kitty Lalonde: Well how do you explain Giberny's fall from grace in 1985 when he was found to have learnt all his vast knowledge of the fashion industry from one issue of the Littlewoods catalogue and his subsequent revoking of his Fashion Council license
Kitty Lalonde looks smug
Tiernan Serpentine: Well that's as maybe but as we all know very well two years later Littlewoods was featured at the world famous Cardiff fashion extravaganza, at which time Bradbury said quite categorically that Littlewoods was a 'forward looking, exciting and standard setting' and as I'm sure you can recall the Daily Fashion Blogger said they were 'enthralled by the innovation of [Littlewoods]'
Kitty Lalonde snorts and stomps off

Another post!

Okay so I love april fools day, can't do one of my own for shit, but adore everyone elses. Favourites so far this year would be

Armidi/Tableau merge.

Virgle Project - Richard Branston and Google peeps are gonna take us to mars! Huzzah!

And the last and best april fools day for this year, courtesy of the Lindens.

(although, you did get the date wrong guys)

Pay attention!

Okay okay, I didn't make it, wish I had but sadly no.

This does start slow but ends up funny so please bear with it you tiny little ADD freaks you!

A tiny rant and something fun

*take deep breath* Basically... I'm kinda scoobied as to why someone, who has said that they will be unable to SL for technical reasons, even going so far as to place a donation box to raise money to fix said difficulties so they can return to SL. Then they apparently spend every day from then on going to the LAGGIEST PLACES IN SECOND LIFE.

Smells like horse shit to me but nevermind.


As promised summit fun, here's a little fun thing that lets you drive a teeny tiny (yellow) car all over the google maps. Harder than it looks (I spent five minutes on the A30 before realising I was going the wrong way) but muchos fun!

Enjoy!

You prolly didn't know I was gone but...

I have been gallavanting around the english countryside (Brum and Lahnden) for the last two days without any interwebby AT ALL. Which was all very fun/depressing/new for me.

Me and Tie headed to the big smoke to go and see the remains of a crazy egotistical blokes dreams of umm craziness. Otherwise know as the Emperor of Qin's Terracotta Army.

As you may/may not know the British Museum got they're sticky paws (although they were most likely told to clean them first) on some of these statue thingies, and bought them back to Londoncestershire to show all the excitable british people (Or those who felt to pay 10 quid to look a big clay men).

Actually I sound terribly flippant as it was all very cool (And crowded, dear god what I would have given for some sort of stabbing device) even if me and Tie spent more time snickering over the horses genitalia and what the blokes were doing with their hands.

So anyhoo, for those that care, that's where I've been, and now I'm back but may be uncommunicatable as I will most probably being sordi.... I mean productive, in my dunge... Shop, yes shop.

Danke

Fucksocks I got tagged. AGAIN!

That bloody Willow 'Bungelow' Caldera has tagged me cos she is EVIL! Here's the rules.

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

After many minutes of tortured decision making (I mean it's not that absurd that I might be reading Sigmund Freud at the moment) I decided to tell the semi truth (the bit from that dirty slutty Beauty book that Tie made me read was, tragically, very very dull) and went with the Russel Brand autobiography, My Booky Wook.

"I was unemployed, penniless, birdless and desperate for his approval; we were the perfect holiday companions. On the plane home he said 'I went away with a boy and came back with a man'. Both of these people were me, so what happened to induce such a significant transition?"

All very poignant indeed (I'm saying nothing about the prostitute shagging).

Actually it is a very fucking good book. Go buy.

OH! Tagging! Right I will be tagging Rosie Shark, Lillie Yifu, Trinity Serpentine, Tiernan Serpentine and Mygdala March

Doned