Monday, 28 September 2009

Happy birthd.... fuck it MUSTANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yah, it's mah birthday. And over the weekend Tie (who shall henceforth be known as Tie, the most awesome person in the universe EVAH) took me away from the hell hole that is Cornwall. We spent the night in a hotel, which had some pleasant amenities (porn) and we spent the evening enjoyably (had sex). The next day Tie fucked of and left me to sit outside the front of the posh hotel for some amount of time. Which was a bit pants cos it was quite posh and all the people made me feel like a tramp/hooker/internet freak/all of the above. But never mind all that cos they soon got their arses well and truely handed to them when Tie turned the corner in THIS...

Just to clarify this is a 1966 Fastback Mustang which is my DREAM CAR. Tie hired it for the day (complete with picnic) and Oh. My. God.

I very nearly 'dropped a gusher' right there and then in the hotel carpark, and then did several minutes later when it got 'opened up' on the road.

Holy fucking shit did that car make the sexiest noise ever, srsly. It's sexier than Captain Jack Sparrow murmuring rum soaked obscenities in your ear, it's THAT good. After roaring (and that isn't artistic licence, it did really roar) up and down the civilised lanes of middle england in the loudest rudest bad ass mother fucker to come out of the USA. Then we stopped in a layby to wank over the car and take more pictures (of the car, not the wanking)

And LOOK, this is the picnic we got with it (although we'd eaten much of the food by this point)

Then we tootled (translation - Tore up like a bitch) down some more lanes to the Heritage Motor Museum. Where we got in with a concessionary if we parked the Mustang where people could ogle it. Sadly though it's more of an English motor museum and we were promptly shunned by the many old shitty rover owners and up their arses Jaguar owners (although there was a crowd of Harleys but we don't think they liked us either).

There is the 'stang parked riiiiiiiight over on the left being SHUNNED. The bastards. Although we did feel slightly better when we angrily roared of past all their shit wagons.

I could carry on this blog post but I won't cos I think me and Tie have done enough verbal wankage over the car (to the point where we actually sound like retards) but I do want to say THANK YOU TIE for the besterest day ever!


For all you petrol headed people you can have a look at the in and outs of the car here

Saturday, 5 September 2009

Motorway Fun

Above is a lovely picture of the M5 motorway in the UK, it goes from Exeter in Devon to... Somewhere else.. Anyhoo, Tie and I have driven this motorway many many times including today. Not specifically very interesting but bear with me. These are some amusing games that we play on the motorway.

Pissing people off - Fairly self explanatory, mostly involves not moving out of the way and preventing people overtaking other people. Also two lane overtaking, not pissing people off particularly but entertaining none the less.

Pick three cars - You have as long as you are on the motorway to pick 3 cars that you want. Today I picked a new Ford Ka, driven by a little old lady, which Tie claims broke down. A big fancy horse box thinger, lest there were hugely expensive thoroughbreds in there and a big thick throbbing Triumph with a back wheel width that was, well wide. Oh the noise that thing made *wistful sigh*.
Tie picked some giant camper van/palace on wheels, two random tankers (contents unknown) and the bike because it was the most awesome thing on the motorway.

Laughing at people - We were following a lil hatchback thing and listening to radio 1, then I noticed that the passenger of the LHT was flailing their arms around in a pretty good approximation of old school rave dancing (big fish little fish cardboard box). I pointed it out to Tie and then we noticed Faithless Insomnia was playing on Radio 1. Just before the anthemic kick off (which never fails to make the old hairs stand up) I said, he's going to dance again now... And he did, good times I tell you.

Playing 'games' with other cars - Tie mocks me continuously for this, but you can play little chasey games with other cars (on clear stretches at least) overtaking each other and general malarky. I find it fun and amusing, Tie claims it's all in my head and that the other cars are unaware they're playing a game, but it's NOT TRUE. They all know about it and enjoy it too.

DJ Chigadee - Not a game, but a random thought of how to update road safety adverts/programs. DJ Chigadee (Tie's choice of name btw) would appear on a massive billboard that BLINGS with the huge slogan "Chigidee check yourself before yo wreck yourself". The billboard would also shout this at people that were driving badly (Tie). DJ Chigidee would also shout "Driving when you is tired is whack, get some sleep aight". He would prolly sound a bit like Tim WESTWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

Yes we are mad.