Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Cat Sex

Last night we were safely holed up in the boudoir (Me, Tie, an xbox and a copy of GTA IV) when we heard some sort of strangled cat sound, so we trooped downstairs to discover our oh so innocent kitten had persuaded a big (and fucking ugly) tomcat to come in the house and other places. Having shooed the cat out we shut the window and that was that. Except the kitten was squeaking pathetically and making shag me eyes at the tomcat (imaginatively named Tommy by me and Tie) who remained outside the window, in the rain, making noise.

"Tommy, Tommy, where for art thou Tommy"

I got bored then and so returned to GTA. This morning I awoke to find Tommy still in the garden, looking, well wet, and the kitten still whoring it up at the window.

Wet Cat

So this cat has spent a good 14 hours, in the rain, just on the off chance it may get a ride. That's dedication, horny men make note.

Oh and on the off chance he's banged the kitten up, anyone want a pregnant cat? Thanks.

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

EEK!! A chain!

Anyone who cares to have asked (sadly very few) will know I have an intense dislike of chain things, emails, letters, notecards. I despise them all, the only chain I want contact with is a prim nipple type of chain, but I digress.

The problem is when the people I love send me these chain things, I want to respond, really I do, but I'm anti chain, so for those of you that have sent me the 'Getting to know you' note card, here's my response.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
7:45 am

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds, I dunno, pearls are just meh.

3. What was the last film you saw in the theatre?
Well Tie and I went to see that new Dead film by George A Romero. The one with the camcorder and the acid zombie destruction.

4. Favorite TV Show?
Bah, I don't really watch telly, so I shall say Friends.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Cigerettes, left overs or toast, or nothing. Oh and Tie's delicious tea.

6. What is your middle name?

7. What food do you dislike?
Sprouts, cliched but true.

8. What is your favorite cd at the moment?
Umm I generally make up mix cds to play in the car. But I do like them

9. Favorite sandwich?
Noodles (see previous post)

10. What characteristic do you despise?
People who constantly whinge about how fucking terrible their job/partner/life is without actually listening to advice or indeed doing anything about it.

11. Favorite item of clothing?
Head bands, great for keeping hair in a restrained fashion. Also my boobie enhancing (but often painful) bra

12. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation...
I want to drive across the states randomly for a few months. Possibly with a gun.

13. What color is your bathroom?
That horrible 'I'm redecorating' bits of wallpaper and bare wall effect. Although it's been like that for a while...

14. Do you make friends easily?
Sort of, I'll natter away with anyone but I'm so easily distracted. I think I neglect most of my friends to be honest.

15. Where would you retire?
In some sort of random little community, where you see the old dears in flowery dresses watering flowers and flirting with their 60 yr old 'toy boy'

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
Oh crap, I shall probably annoy many people with this (Sorry Tie) but I only ever really remember going to the zoo on my 21st and getting to feed the lemurs... Don't ask.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Erm... The sport I mind watching least is probably rugby. Or gymnastics.

18. How many towns have you lived in?
Somewhere in the region of 7 I think

19. How many people do you think will send this back?
No one! Cos I'm not sending it.

20. What is on your bedroom floor right now?
What isn't on my floor at the moment..... Off the top of my head, several books, lots of strewn rizlas, some clothes, lots of crap, some chains, the box Tie's giant telly came in and a cartoon I drew (on request) of a horse fucking a woman.... Well you wanted honesty.

21. Favorite saying?
Anyhoo - Me

22. When is your birthday?
28th September

23. Morning person or night person?
I prefer mornings but nights are less stressful

24. What is your shoe size?
An english 8/9

25. Pets?
1 kitten, which is no longer a kitten but is still referred to as such

26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I got GTA IV today... Go me!

27. What did you want to be when you were little?
Many many things, including a journo, marine biologist, actress, singer and witch (Mildred Hubble was terrible for small children)

28. Which talent would you most like to have?
Hypnosis.. Oh the fun.

29. Which words or phrases do you overuse?
Huzzah, anyhoo and I digress. Oh and snickers.

30. What is your favorite flower?
White lilies

31. What is the day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
Erm.... Christmas?

32. What color are your eyes?
Blue, blue/grey, possibly slate blue (Never ask Tie to define your eye colour)

33. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Zoids. They pwnd everything else on the planet.

34. Summer or winter?
Winter, coldness and blankety snuggles.

35. Hugs or kisses?
EEK human contact! *runs away screaming*

36. Chocolate or vanilla?
If we're talking milkshake? Vanilla

37. Do you want your friends to send this back to you?

38. What is under your bed?
Monsters. And large amounts of crap and nostalgia.

39. When was the last time you cried?
Good question, I have no idea

40. Who is the friend you have had the longest in SL?

41. What did you do last night?
Played WoW til 2am, had a shower, talked to Tie, passed out.

42. Favorite smell?
Chanel Allure or Dior Addict

43. What are you afraid of?
Jellyfish, moths and large things underwater (such as whales and airplanes)

44. Plain, sweet, or salted popcorn?

45. How many keys on your keyring?
Pass, I lost my keys months ago and just use Ties

46. How many years at your current job?
What's a job?

47. Do you have any scars?
Loads, I'm an obsessive scab picker, my most notable non surgical scar is one that resembles a bean on my left knee. I got that hurtling around a sharp bend on my moped and scraping myself along a cornish wall.

48. Favorite day of the week?
Fridays are nice

49. What is your worst habit?

50. How old were you when you got your first crush on someone?
Umm I believe that would have been around the age of 7 (and it was Macguyver *sighs*)

51. How old were you when you lost your virginity? where did you lose it?
15, in a shed.. I'm all class me.

52. Ever been arrested?
No, although I've come close

53. What is the most embarrassing celebrity/band/whatever that you'll admit to liking?
Ace of Base... Sad but true.

54. If you could travel back in time, when would you visit?
Some sort of dinosaur time would be good for shits and giggles.

55. How many people are you sending this to?
No one! Murhahahahahah

Monday, 28 April 2008

Noodle Sandwiches

I have explained this elsewhere, but here, in full glorious photographic stylee is a simple guide to creating this chav/posh delicacy... Noodle Sandwiches.

Noodle sandwiches are loved by everyone, including small children who relish in spreading the sticky strands across their cherubic faces. Even kittens love them (but only when you're not holding a camera near them and screaming "Eat the fucking noodles you bastard, it'll be funny!").
They can also be cooked with just a kettle if you're in the wilds/in a bedsit.

First off, ingredients. You will require some batchelors super noodles (chicken is best), some butter or olive oil if you're all swanky (actually, fuck that, never tried it with olive oil and it may well be vile). And some sort of cheese, cheeses that work best are cheddar, smoked cheese and mozerella. You'll also need bread, a saucepan and some sort of mixing implement (not pictured)

Ingredients (duh)

Having created your noodles to the specifications on the packet, you'll have to grate/tear up your cheese into the pan. You may need to return it to the heat in order to melt it all in properly. You can also add other exciting things like ham and sweetcorn, but we'll keep it simple for now.

Goodness in a pan (That's mozerella by the by, not chicken)

Next you need to butter a piece of bread and flop your noodles to one side of said bread.

You really have to trust me on this

Next, fold up your bread to create a half sandwich.. Consume!


And there you have it folks, next week we shall be making fish pie!

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Traitorous me!

So I've been umm not in SL of late, basically after many many years of pooh pohhing WoW I've been forced to say it's actually jolly good!

That there is a lovely picture of me, Tie and my loyal pwning puddy tat Rawr, as we scamper around together killing things. I'd also like to point out that Tie is the bear/boar/werewolf creature, but has been whinging about her lack of ability and some such bullshit and now wants to be a Mage. Some people are so difficult.

Anyhoo, I'm sure I will return at somepoint to the marvellous world of SL, probably when I get bored of WoW, and GTA IV which as any muppet will tell you comes out one week today!

Saturday, 19 April 2008

PITMAN!!!!!!!! (For Willow)

Ish a Meme (sorry!)

Okay, so I found this, and it looked fun, so I'll shup and get on with it

1. Who was the last person you spoke with?

Ummm, last sensible rational adult person I spoke with was Tie, on the phone, as she's miles away... The fiend

2. Who was the last person you saw at work?

Murhahahaha, I'm nasty dole scum so I couldn't possibly answer that.

3. Who was the last person to comment on your blog?

Oh bugger, I dunno. On this blog, it was quite possibly Trinity.

4. Who was the last person that you wrote a post about?

It would have to be Willow Caldera who inspired a Mean Girls post with her contant whinging and nagging (that girl is SO high maintenance, really she is).

5. Who was the last person that you emailed?

Ah this is easy. The last person I emailed was a friend of mine from way back in the mists of time when I was aged 12/13. She sent me an email to my old aol addy that I hadn't lookied at in a while, so I emailed her back to accuse her of being a swinger *smirks*

6. Who was the last person that you phoned?

The last person I phoned would be my ex, he'd just come out of the hossy having some tests and I wanted to see how he was.

7. Who was the last person to give you bad advice?

Probably myself. I'm not really very good at advising myself on what to do, I can't actually think of a person who gave me bad advice as I don't actually listen to people.

8. Who was the last person to give you good advice?

Tie, advising me in matters of drama, although an honourable mention goes to a RL foul mouthed londoner friend of mine who advised me on many a life changing thing without which I wouldn't be wear I am today.

9. Who was the last person that you kissed?

That would be Tie again *grins*.

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Applying for roleplay sims is fun

Todays Date:
13th September 2007

Dinglemy Doodle

How did you find Claiming Beauty?
I found it to be charm personified

Have you read the "Beauty" trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure?
No, but i have read the autobiography of a bed spring from the film Debbie does Dallas, which I gather is much the same thing

Do you have roleplay experience?
No (ha! Do you see what I did there? I was playing a person who had never roleplayed! Clever huh? Actually I studied roleplay for three years under Professor Mike Hunt at Oxford)

What role would you like to assume?
I would like to assume the role of a quiet gentle neanderthal

Please give a character history, a good background story increases the likelihood of your membership being accepted.

Boris is a neanderthal from 350,000 years ago who, due to the advances in cloning, has been reawoken.
Fueled with anger and a deep sense of loss for his mate Doris, he went on a crazed rampage, slaughtering many rabbits and even a large water vole.
Luckily he happened upon a small village, and took refuge behind the large waterfall.
Much of his time is spent sitting and brooding, occasionally hitting people with sticks and starring in films with Mark Wahlburg and Helena Bonham-Carter

If accepted, would you be willing to include Claming Beauty in you picks along with a character bio of your character?
My dears, I would paint an advert on the end of my penis and dance about naked for all to see.

For registry on the official website www.***********.com please include an email address :

Some sort of tagging crap...

Four Jobs

Selling catfood by cold calling - Mmmm that one was fun, though amazingly over the course of several months at least three people actually bought some.

Insurance queries twat - Even more fun.

Correlating traffic survey data - Yay for data entry!

Bookshop salespersonmuppet - No, you don't get to sit around reading all day sadly.

Four Favourite Fillums

True Romance - Just an awesome story.

The Big Lebowski - Because Kitty hates, loathes and detests it (though she hasn't even seen it, the weirdo)

Requiem for a Dream - Nasty, harrowing, depressing but very very cool nevertheless.

Ghost in the Shell - It's a more recent favourite, I think it's the music more than anything (though the whole thing is very beautiful).. totally hypnotic.

Four Places I've Been

I have to keep this list short and pathetic or Kitty will probably explode in a very messy pile of jealousy, so umm here are four fairly crap places.. yes they are honestly.

Croatia - If you're British be prepared to consume a lot of saliva as they don't like us very much and don't mention the war.

San Diego - It's really nasty and rains all the time, though if anyone felt to put a fish burrito in the post I'd be eternally grateful *pokes Trinity*

Rhyl (in Wales) - I was trying to get to Carlisle but got on the train going in the opposite direction.

Istanbul - I couldn't tell you much about it as I was only there for a day and had a terrible hangover.

Four Places I've Lived

Leamington Spa - too posh, apparently.

Manchester - Less bad than most people think.

Worthing - Where you go to die.

Cornwall - YAY

Four Favourite TV Shows

Ummm, I don't really watch any tv shows religiously anymore but from back in the day...

Chicago Hope - Nobody else ever watched it but as hospital programs go I thought it was great!

Neighbours/Home and Away - blah blah

Crystal Maze - Until it changed and became crap.

Twin Peaks - Weird goodness.

Four Favourite Radio Shows

Trinala obviously, I like their lunchtime news updates and traffic reports. Umm can't think of any others. Oh, Trinala maybe?

Four Places I'd Rather Be

Here but in some sort of slightly altered dimension type thing where I have loads of money.

Yay it's over!

Tie and Kitty are SERIOUS fashionistas...

Not like the rest of you wannabe's.

Here's the proof.

Tiernan Serpentine: You is all nakie!
Kitty Lalonde: Am not
Tiernan Serpentine tweaks the chains piercing your nipples and nods, "nuh uh, so are
Kitty Lalonde: I believe, as you just so eloquently emoted, I'm wearing chains, and therefore, according to Gladwill's 13th law on dress sense and the occlusion of Greta, that I am, categorically, NOT naked
Kitty Lalonde smiles benignly
Tiernan Serpentine: Pffft don't talk to me about Gladwill's law, as we all know he was roundly condemned as irrelevant when the subclause of Giberny's general laws of fashion, design and toothwear were passed
Tiernan Serpentine shakes her head, staring at you in amazement
Tiernan Serpentine: Therefore, entirely nakie!
Kitty Lalonde: I would never have taken you for a Gibernite... Never
Kitty Lalonde is stunned
Tiernan Serpentine mutters something about the separatists, mentioning 'retards' under her breath
Kitty Lalonde: I am not retardid
Tiernan Serpentine: You lot are so reactionary, just making a fuss about nothing
Tiernan Serpentine quotes from Giberny, ".... and thus, as aforementioned in the proceeding chapter, apropro of clause 3.7 and not disregarding the pending legislation, a chain covering the nipple may be classed as clothing but a chain passing through the uncovered nipple is only ever slutty and should be noted as such, furthermore...."
Kitty Lalonde: Well how do you explain Giberny's fall from grace in 1985 when he was found to have learnt all his vast knowledge of the fashion industry from one issue of the Littlewoods catalogue and his subsequent revoking of his Fashion Council license
Kitty Lalonde looks smug
Tiernan Serpentine: Well that's as maybe but as we all know very well two years later Littlewoods was featured at the world famous Cardiff fashion extravaganza, at which time Bradbury said quite categorically that Littlewoods was a 'forward looking, exciting and standard setting' and as I'm sure you can recall the Daily Fashion Blogger said they were 'enthralled by the innovation of [Littlewoods]'
Kitty Lalonde snorts and stomps off

Monday, 7 April 2008

I'm vain so...

I'm going to pretend Willow Caldera had me in mind when she did some taggering.

Sooo four things eh? Well.

Four Jobs

Waitress - crap

Checkout muppet - also crap

Burger King lacky - So bad I only managed one day before making up a random excuse as to not be working there any more

Seller of fishing trips to the general population - This one was fun actually, I got to sit in a box at the harbour reading my book until some group of male creatures came past, then I flashed them me tits and a cheery smile and sold them on going for a four hour fishing trip.

Four Favourite Movies

Gah, well Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is on the list, because it is bloody great, and also very self helpy in many ways. Oh and has Kate Winslet looking very drunken and shaggable.

Aliens - Yeah shup. I loves Aliens, and I like it over the first one on the grounds it's much more exciting and has Micheal Biehn in.

Dusk Til Dawn - George Clooney. Hot tattoo. Blood. Sweat. Vampires. Easy choice.

Anything hentai with tentacles in or Mary Poppins. You pick.

Four Places I've Been

Oh dear, I am the least travelled person ever. I haven't even made it to Scotland, although I have been all over France when I was a nipper so that will have to be it.

Four Places I've Lived



London for around two weeks when I was small.

All over Cornwall

Four Favourite TV Shows

I don't really watch tv much, but in the name of memes

Friends - I don't care, I like it

Knightmare - BEST KIDS PROGRAM EVER. Sadly unavailable now unless you have fanshy sky boxes.

Robot Wars - Did I mention how geeky I was? Sorry but I found much entertainment in modified lawnmowers beating seven shades of shit out of each other.

Any program involving police chases, or car crashes or American blokies calling the roads in Britain freeways.

Four Favourite Radio Shows

Nup, can't do it, since the untimely demise of John Peel I only listen to radio when I get bored of CD's in the car.

Four Places I'd rather be

Milliways, the restaurant at the end of the universe.

Somewhere in the Nevada desert with a big old truck thing and a gun.

On the set of the Truman Show

In bed.

In the spirit of giving I'm going to throw this wide open to whoever wants it (Tie, you HAVE to do it), if you do feel all warm and special and want do the nasty meme thing, please gimme a link so I can look!


Friday, 4 April 2008

What we did in London town

I'm sure everyone was distraught beyond all distraughtness at my absence yesterday.. No? Well pfft.

Me and Tie headed off to old london town to show me kids some dinosaurs at the natural history museum. After me being retarded and not putting my alarm clock forward an hour we eventually dragged our collective arses out at 7:30am (We were aiming for 6 *sighs*) four hours of driving ensued, highlights of which were, Stonehenge, VERY slow drivers in front of me and Radio one playing Wing (hilarious) which everyone else in the car slept through. Got on the M3 and handed it all over to Nerves of Steel™ who was our designated 'driving in scawy london' driver and amazingly found the museum, AND found a parking space. Both the science and natural history museums have changed though (prolly a good thing, I last went when I was 12) but we did get to see the big T rex which was cool.
Our general modus operandi at such places is to run round looking at everything whilst avoiding the educational and poking at the fun stuff. Oh and then you have to pile into the shop to buy expensive crap that will break in two minutes.

All doned we piled back into the car and scampered around london looking at the sights from the safety (*snorts*) of the car, when I say sights I mean all the big builderings like the eye and tower bridge and so forth. Oh and Battersea Power Station, which for some reason I'm in love with, it just looks very big and ominous. Then I got us lost, and more lost. I think everyone appreciated the hour long detour through south london though. After that it was pub dinner and me driving along the M4/M5 quite cheerfully (playing many games with a little silver vw golf, mostly involving overtaking each other at varying intervals and slowing down for the 20 billion unmarked police cars on the M4 who had pulled people over) but giving in on the A30 due to my leg having issues with my driving.

I'm quite obsessed with driving, as Tie pointed out yesterday I'm like indiana jones in a car with everything being an adventure and having something to talk about on every single trip.

So yes, long and boring but that's where I was.

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Another post!

Okay so I love april fools day, can't do one of my own for shit, but adore everyone elses. Favourites so far this year would be

Armidi/Tableau merge.

Virgle Project - Richard Branston and Google peeps are gonna take us to mars! Huzzah!

And the last and best april fools day for this year, courtesy of the Lindens.

(although, you did get the date wrong guys)

Cold Sweat

If you want to make Kitty Lalonde cry then just take her here in Swindon (apparently there's one in Hemel and Cardiff too, yay!). Whoever thought of calling them 'magic mushroom circles' had a pretty twisted sense of humour.