Thursday, 27 August 2009

New house has stuff in now!

So, we moved in, got internet, played fun games with delivery people. Discovered exciting and interesting facts such as never hire a carpet shapooing thing cos it will piss all over your carpet, and that it's not easy to maneuver a giant fridge without nearly losing fingers and that curtains are quite useful really.

Anyhoo, thought you might appreciate a pictoral update of some of our new goodies (with too many fridge shots cos I LOVE MY FRIDGE) and also my pathetic attempt to start a meme (go me).

First up SOFAS!!

They're all red and squishy and STUPID ME I forgot to take a picture of the spinny chair, which is the most comfy chair ever but is now covered in children who will pull faces at the camera and vogue it up thus taking away from the beauty of the chair.

The one on the right is a sofabed thing, Laura and Willis will never sleep on it cos they have a treehouse.

This is the office/study/pooter room. This is where the magic happens (Paul Daniels is in the filing cabinet). My pooter is the sleek black one on the left and Tie's is the giant silver thing on the right.

We shall not bitch though cos Tie bought me a mouse mat with BOOBIES!

This is my pride and joy however, my fridge. It is mine. People have to ask before they put things in it and I can't walk past without gazing at it lovingly and stroking it's sleek black surfaces *squirms*

This is the water/ice dispenser and button panel. One of the buttons is a vacation button... I dunno if the fridge fucks off when you press it though.

And here is some dispensed ice. Look at the coldness!

Ah ha! Meme Time... What's in your fridge? More exciting than bags in my opinion. Here's crap in my fridge (and freezer).

Milk - Lots of, dairy products ftw.
Cheese - Various packets at various stages of consumed
Juice - Apple and orange
Taramasalata - I love that fishy shit
Packets of mussels
Meat - Steak, ham, mince, burgers, bacon, black pudding and sausages
Cream - Whipped, double and ice hehe
Vegetable and salady things including half a tin of sweetcorn.
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - Best butter ever
Tonic for Tie's G&T
Strawberry Cheesecake
Chippy chips
Birdseye Potato Waffles (they're waffley versatile)
A tiny piece of chocolate fudgecake that everyone is to polite to eat
Frozen Cottage pie ready meal cos I occasionally get cravings for them
Boil in the bag fish things in sauce (Pfft, this started off so healthy didn't it *sighs*)
Lots of Muller Corner yoghurts (Chocolate and biscuit, not fruit)
Mayonaise, ketchup, coleslaw, tartare sauce, apricot jam, pate, smoothies and malt loaf.

And here's a bonus picture a fridge raider...

Yes, it's the cat with the giant fluffy tail known as Lardy.


Monday, 3 August 2009


As you may or may not know, Tie and I have been enjoying the excitement of house buying and all that jazz and today, FINALLY, after braving the retarded solicitors, pushy estate agents and living in a big messy boxy shithole... We have our house, some of you will have seen in on the estate agent site, but these are pictures taken in the gloom today when we picked up the keys *hops squeals and bounces*

(WARNING: This post is VERY LONG and full of pictures, enjoy!)
(WARNING #2: I can't take photos, kkthnx)

So this is the outside of the new Broadly Offensive HQ. The sky was particularly dark and aggressive, as prolly were the neighbours.

This is my cooker, it came with the house and I reckon you could fit a cat in there, if not a child. I'll let you all know how that pans out.

Here is a picture of Replacement Tie. Replacement Tie stays hidden until needed, cleverly disguising itself as cupboards until you have some plates or something. Also, Replacement Tie does not require an endless stream of coffee which is a bonus. I'm not entirely sure Replacement Tie will be as adept in the boudoir, but as before, I shall let you know.

Look, I have no bloody clue what to call this, is it a breakfast bar? Is it a dining area, WHO KNOWS? I call it a table personally. You can also see the doors leading to small childs room and the study....

This will be the home of our pooters, sat side by side, bitching at each other. Not shown is the candlestick or Professor Plum.

Small childs room, small child is delighted with the overly girly mural thinger as am I. I'm sure it will last for a few years until she paints it all black and emos quietly out of the window.

Other side of small childs room with TEDDY BEAR SHELVES.. Oh yes.

Small child claims this is 'her' bathroom, but sadly she does not realise the effect of a jacuzzi bath on certain individuals (me)

Look! Jacuzzi bath!

Here is more kitchen which leads to utility room and other bed like rooms. Tie and I have concocted a fabulour plan to make bottles of blue nun look like dusty vintage wines on the wine rack, huzzah!

Not a shoe room, but a utility room, with a belfast sink, which is THE SEX ON FIRE, oh yes! I've wanted one of the bad boys since forever so YAY!

MY SINK! And a small lesson in what happens when you say "Don't get in the picture"

The stair complete with a gateway to hell. Little fact for you, you can fit 3 children in that space and I can well see 'What can we fit in the hole?' becoming a staple of this blog

Back end of the front room/lounge, not exciting but I don't do house showings by halves you know.
Milk Tray mans entrance.

Our room, white and boring really. Although BDSM bed in on route (in 8-10 weeks -.-)

Ensuite door and walk in wardrobe, which is actually walk in and has a clever light and everything. Also known as 'Best hiding place after the stair hole'
I have a feng shui sink, go me. Also, the people who were moving out left bog rolls with little points on which made me squee.

Walk in wardrobe.

Up the stairs with have another child room. The top of the house is basically just for my elder children, with their own bathroom so I don't have to deal with waiting outside the door during one of their epic 'sit on the toilet for as long as possible to piss mummy off' things.

View from the pink room, it's very grey but I assure you that is the sea in the background.

Child bath.

Child sink with funktastic glass block things.

Blue room, it's blue. And now for the outside...

Decking with little lights and poles for 'entertaining'

Willis and Laura's tree house!

I expect you both to decorate this!

A green house, may actually house plants at somepoint

Vegetable garden... Ditto.

So there is our new home.