Tuesday, 30 December 2008

What's in my bag? (You'll wish you never asked)

Ummm yes.. First off I'd like to mention the things I DIDN'T include, which is a good kilo of receipts bus tickets and other random shit. I was going to, but then I realised that if I did do that then I would have to throw them away and clean the bag etc, which I really couldn't be arsed to do. Also my keys cos they live in the door unless I'm out.

Soooooo on with the contents!

1 - Is my bag, it's a huge Billabong vinyl satchel thing that you can move house in which my friend gave me. It's wipe clean too which is handy.

2 - Random ropes and chains

3 - My old trustworthy whip, it's completely frayed but the leather still creaks and it smells nice so who cares.

4 - Usual boring handcuffs

5 - Pink anal beads

6 - Jackie O esque sunnies, useful all year round for face hiding and outward appearance of aloofness.

7 - My lil iPod nano, old and full of shit.. Much like me these days

8 - My Rabbit, Tie bought me this for my birthday and it's the best friend a girl can have.

9 - Big rubbery and scares the bejeezus out of people, inflatable dildos ftw

10 - Clothes pegs

11 - Vouchers for Subway! VITAL to carry with one at all times

12 - An ancient £5 gift voucher of Tie's for Our Price, I dunno if the shops still exist though

13 - My Animal wallet, I love this, although I once left it on the roof of the car and it got lost, but then returned to me a week later by the police, slightly knackered but still containing £11.80.

14 - Mobile, picked because it has DISCO LIGHTS!!! (Not shown)

15 - Two pound coin and a Morrisons shopping trolley pound

16 - Smoking paraphenalia. I smoke rollies but use roaches in them, meaning I leave a small trail of torn up rizla packet wherever I go.

And thus endeth the tour.


Pay said...


Rob Danton said...

Allow me to be the one brave person to stand up and admit to being shocked and disgusted.

I know you and I love chatting to you. I think you are charming and funny. But green Rizlas? What are you thinking!?

If you like the taste of burning paper at least go for classic red (if there is no A4 printer paper around).

The green is a no-mans land between the health conscious (thinner paper! yay!) blues and silvers and the reds which, although they so thick you could use them as christmas cards if you were a pikey, are arguably classic.

Maybe you are the one person in the world who finds it easier to roll a paper with the corners cut off. One shudders to think of how such a lack of dexterity affects your use of the other contents of your bag.

PS. I think the our price voucher could now be safely used as roach material.

Kitty Lalonde said...

I hate to say it but the choice of rizla is entirely based on asthetics and availability. Whilst blues are healthy, they tend to acquire that nasty soggy brown look which just screams tramp, darling.

As for reds and silvers, well. They're just way too avant garde for my liking and also clash horribly with the delightfully sunny Amber Leaf tobacco packets.

Also you musn't forget that I live in the back of beyond where you're lucky they don't just sell woodbines and nothing else.

Tiernan Serpentine said...

Also, the green rizlas are by far the best for dildo cleaning with their many layers and highly absorbant, towel-like qualities.

Oh and I was going to sell that Our Price voucher on ebay in the Our Price memorabilia section but it fell on the floor and one of the cats pooed on it... fortunately there were lots of green rizlas on hand for the cleanup!

Rob Danton said...

Yes I agree with you on the greens for cleaning purposes (although I never tried them on a dildo); they are also great for writing down phone numbers. In fact you could think of them as a huge value pack of blank business cards that say "hey! I mean business, but you won't find me dishing out boring old cards like some photocopier salesman, I'll write one out for you especially!"

this has the useful added feature of being able to write false numbers/email addresses down as necessary. OMG I have to send that tip in to Take A Break! magazine.... don't they pay 50p for each tip published? Happy New Year BTW

Lizbeth Saenz said...

Hah! The absolute best response to the "What's in my bag" thingymajiger.

I was seriously getting tired of seeing the same crap over and over. Leave it to Kitty to have dildos, whips and cuffs as an everyday thing in her bag. :P

Love you Kitty!