Broadly Offensives Guide to Fun Sex Toys in SL - Pt 1

Having laid myself bare I can now happily continue on with my mission to filthy peoples minds and make them scared of me, and what better way to achieve this than with my lovely new toy as bought for me by Tie (who knows me far too well to be bothering with crap like jewelry) which is so frighteningly cool I have to blog it, and so have created a cartoon, for little reason other than I thought it would be fun!


Yes.. Well. Anyhoo, it's a happy lil tentacle raping monster that jabbers away to you (With a disturbingly cute voice) and tries to cajole you into opening the backpack ("Hey! I found a shiny diamond ring in here!") so it can spring out and rape you.

It's an amusing fucker as you can set it to have moods, which seems to lead to it getting pissed off ("Why the HELL did you even BUY me if you aren't going to DO anything with me?"), and horniness levels, the higher that is the more likely it is to scream "On your knees, bitch! I'm going to pound you like the whore you are!" and rape you in the middle of Tuli's. You can also lock it in the backpack, but why?

It's available from Sensual Stoneworks the shop that bought you raping flowers, raping caterpillars, raping robots and umm a raping hermaphrodite half woman half zebra.

Scores on the slick and steamy floor

Hilarity 10/10
Perverseness 7/10
Makes you horny 3/10
Liability to get you
banned from somewhere 10/10

I can keep secrets (but not my own)

Secrets and lies is and awesome film, and also what has been flying around second life and the intrawebz for years and years. The above book by Sophie Kinsella is also very awesome. The long a short of it is that in a moment of terror aboard a plane a woman spills all her secrets to the man in the next seat, blah blah blah, happiness, love, the end. What is interesting is the secrets, her babbling diatribe is simply awesome, accompanied with head nodding and smiling from the reader.

After my last post several people said in comments and IM's that they feel the same, it shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. I guess you get bogged down in your own reservations and paranoias. So now I lay the rest f my secrets bare. Why? Why the fuck not, maybe someone shares similar things and it's an extra bond in a friendship. Maybe someone will take courage from it to spill with a secret that needs to be told. Maybe someone will take it and use it against me. At the end of the day I'm not really bothered. Take this as a meme, take it as thought fodder. Shit, you can take it up a seedy back alley in the dead of night hehe. Here goes...

Silly Secrets

I once woke up after a very very drunken night out desperate for a wee, so I pegged it to the toilet but didn't quite make it.

I once stole a block of cheese from a supermarket I later worked for and I still feel guilty about it.

I hate smileys, and the little heart shapes people make, and also mwahs and muahs. I understand that it's cute but I can never ever bring myself to respond in a similar fashion.

In SL I'll change my clothes every 2 hours, but in RL I'm happy wearing the same pair of jeans for a week.

I love sex, I don't know many people who hate it. But I have almost nymphamaniac qualities about sex. Some days it's an obsession that clouds my mind to anything else.

Somedays I just want to be left alone but I'm too polite to say anything.

I once shot a crow and killed it for no other reason than I had a big powerful air rifle and was bored.


Big Secrets

At my last estimate I was around about £18k in debt. And I don't care anymore.

I cheated on someone once in my life and still feel incredbly bad about it.

I think I play on my computer far too much, but I can't seem to stop myself.

I also have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I used to write frequent a short story website, of the four stories I wrote two of them were based on my RL experiences and I was surprised how hurt I was when people critiqued my stories like they were fiction.

I'd love to come to a RL meet up but truth of the matter is I'm terrified to meet people outside of the nicely rounded pixels of Kitty Lalonde, and this will probably mean I will never go.

I was fostered at the age of 15 and my foster 'father' was a pedophile. He was sent to prison 10 years later for sexually assaulting 4 of his own children. Although I made statements and was set to testify in court, my case was never heard and I'm still bitter about it.

My ex husband died nearly three months ago and I still miss him terrible. Even though we were long seperated when he passed away he was one of the best things that happened to me in my life and his death is the reason why some days I can't even watch the X factor without crying. The night before he died I couldn't sleep, I was up til 6am fighting back the urge to go and drive out and just sit with him in the hospital. The fact I didn't will haunt me for the rest of my life. The land I let him live on in SL will forever be left as he left it and it hurts too much for me to go there.

I'm crying as I write this.



Admittedly that's not all my secrets, the mind goes blank when you actually try to type it. It is a large majority however. So there you go.

Invisible

There has been a great deal of hoohah about the SL Secrets thing, I dunno if it's a good idea or a bad one, but that's unimportant. The above picture would have been mine if I could have been arsed to send it in. The words I would have added to it are undecided, however the sentiment remains. Have you ever been at a party and felt like you were watching it rather than participating. Well, I feel like that a lot, and not just at parties either.

Interactions with a group of people have always left me feeling distress on some level. Was I boring, was I trying to hard, did my sarcasm translate meanly to one or more people? Am I not funny, am I too funny? Did I try to take over like some sort of attention seeking monster. Constantly trying to police yourself isn't an easy task, especially when you have a lack of thought editor between your brain and your mouth like I do. Then it all mounts up to this terrible feeling of fifth wheeledness.

I've had this feeling for far too long now and it's slowly doing my head in. I believe I'm forever destined to be the random person. The perpetual gatecrasher of circles of good friends, so I shall be sticking to one to ones from this point. Why try to keep up with the next door neighbours when you have eden sitting in outside your back door. I feel like I've neglected Tie at times recently, and now I'm making amends, she's so amazingly wonderful and I can't think of a better person to take on the world with.

I gots gestures

Okies, so after my ranty post about gestures apparently people paid attention, so here for your delectation is my datey date WOO!

All dates should start with ice cream, I believe it was mentioned the 1874 treaty on dating rights. Notice I shaved my armpits cos I r classy.


After delicious iced goodness we too off on a canoeing expedition, these canoes are actually exceptionally good fun until you have to stop and end up crashing into several previously peaceful fisherman. Oh and seagulls, ducks, walls, sim edges, rocks, trees and your date.

And then fishing, note the competitive postures? The rods were entirely in japanese and neither of us could make head nor tail of them (Even Druss who is fluent in Cantonese *snort*) however I seemed to be better at catching the retarded fish than he was so I lent him a 'lucky charm'....


Credits for the cat have to go to Loaf who founded it and gave it me as a prize! While it may look disturbing in the picture, when rezzed it is doubly so, it's supercilious glaring face following you wherever you may look.. Needless to say it frightened the fish as much as it frightened Druss.


Okay, this is where it gets awesome, the above picture is of the room that was made by a certain sexy someone especially for one dinner. I'm still grinning by how insanely romantic the whole thing was.


Mmm steak.

So yes, I've had a date and I am going to be SMUG about the whole thing for AGES... Nyer!

Hehe

After laughing ourselves silly for several minutes, Tie and I cannot think of any other way to make this more amusing... So enjoy!

SURPRISE!!!!!!!

Gestures, no not the random shitty howls you get in SL, I mean gestures towards other folk, tokens of appreciation that range from a hug to buying 10 sims so you can spell out I Love You across the maps screen (If anyone does this for you. marry them).

Some people make daily gestures that show their love, compliment, smiles and touches that let you know how cherished you are. Other people will go in for some convoluted plot of pwning proportions to get the message across. I'm one of the later, here's a brief example of how I roll. I went out for a 'walk' to see my 'friend', in the meantime Tie was directed to SL and a date in a room (which I had made/paid for). Upon arriving she was sent on a wild goosechase around search and classified, eventually leading her out to the RL car. In the car was a card with instructions to go to a petrol station around 10 miles away. I was waiting at the station and we swooshed up the A30 to have a picnic.

This is possibly my proudest moment in the dating world. Yes I was stuck sat like a muppet outside a petrol station for well over an hour cos SL's search fucked up, yes from the point when we were reunited I felt like I was a massive anticlimax. But still.

It does make me ponder though. Are grand gestures really necessary? Which would you prefer, lots and little, or vast and infrequent? Is it all entirely necessary and how long can you keep either up for?

I'm stumped on this one, my personal opinion is that grand gestures indicate levels of love felt, that however is prolly mostly who I am, and my skewed vision on couples, love and the world at large. However I do know that it makes me happy to do these things and that I shall continue to do so.

We love Gok

We love Gok's Fashion Fix on channel 4, and it always inspires Second Life dress up shenanigans. So we decided to do our own 'Fashion Face Off.


We decided on two categories, Working Girl, and Red Carpet Glamour. From left to right we have ME (Kitty hehe) taking the words 'Working Girl' a bit too far followed by Tie doing things properly. Then ish me again looking surprisingly subtle while Tie aims for full length see through glory.. The SLUT.

Anyhoo, added a poll for people to click on cos I like polls and I've never had one (You can prolly expect one of these once a week now).

Have fun!

Cat Sex Part 3

Yes it's the third exciting installment in the ongoing cat sex saga and they've multiplied into not just one sex crazed beast but one sex crazed beast and four more in training. We probably shouldn't have but they've all got names: from left to right, lardy, fluffy, speedy and mutant (no one can say we're not imaginative, though I worry for mutant as a teenager).



Fluffy's just like her mother, in the sense of them both sitting like cats.



Awwww, no they couldn't possibly turn into foul smelling, flea ridden sex fiends. Not possible!



The arse that launched a thousand ships (and might launch a few more as Tommy the butt-ugly tomcat is back and eyes are being made through the window).