Monday, 18 August 2008

I can keep secrets (but not my own)

Secrets and lies is and awesome film, and also what has been flying around second life and the intrawebz for years and years. The above book by Sophie Kinsella is also very awesome. The long a short of it is that in a moment of terror aboard a plane a woman spills all her secrets to the man in the next seat, blah blah blah, happiness, love, the end. What is interesting is the secrets, her babbling diatribe is simply awesome, accompanied with head nodding and smiling from the reader.

After my last post several people said in comments and IM's that they feel the same, it shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. I guess you get bogged down in your own reservations and paranoias. So now I lay the rest f my secrets bare. Why? Why the fuck not, maybe someone shares similar things and it's an extra bond in a friendship. Maybe someone will take courage from it to spill with a secret that needs to be told. Maybe someone will take it and use it against me. At the end of the day I'm not really bothered. Take this as a meme, take it as thought fodder. Shit, you can take it up a seedy back alley in the dead of night hehe. Here goes...

Silly Secrets

I once woke up after a very very drunken night out desperate for a wee, so I pegged it to the toilet but didn't quite make it.

I once stole a block of cheese from a supermarket I later worked for and I still feel guilty about it.

I hate smileys, and the little heart shapes people make, and also mwahs and muahs. I understand that it's cute but I can never ever bring myself to respond in a similar fashion.

In SL I'll change my clothes every 2 hours, but in RL I'm happy wearing the same pair of jeans for a week.

I love sex, I don't know many people who hate it. But I have almost nymphamaniac qualities about sex. Some days it's an obsession that clouds my mind to anything else.

Somedays I just want to be left alone but I'm too polite to say anything.

I once shot a crow and killed it for no other reason than I had a big powerful air rifle and was bored.

Big Secrets

At my last estimate I was around about £18k in debt. And I don't care anymore.

I cheated on someone once in my life and still feel incredbly bad about it.

I think I play on my computer far too much, but I can't seem to stop myself.

I also have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I used to write frequent a short story website, of the four stories I wrote two of them were based on my RL experiences and I was surprised how hurt I was when people critiqued my stories like they were fiction.

I'd love to come to a RL meet up but truth of the matter is I'm terrified to meet people outside of the nicely rounded pixels of Kitty Lalonde, and this will probably mean I will never go.

I was fostered at the age of 15 and my foster 'father' was a pedophile. He was sent to prison 10 years later for sexually assaulting 4 of his own children. Although I made statements and was set to testify in court, my case was never heard and I'm still bitter about it.

My ex husband died nearly three months ago and I still miss him terrible. Even though we were long seperated when he passed away he was one of the best things that happened to me in my life and his death is the reason why some days I can't even watch the X factor without crying. The night before he died I couldn't sleep, I was up til 6am fighting back the urge to go and drive out and just sit with him in the hospital. The fact I didn't will haunt me for the rest of my life. The land I let him live on in SL will forever be left as he left it and it hurts too much for me to go there.

I'm crying as I write this.

Admittedly that's not all my secrets, the mind goes blank when you actually try to type it. It is a large majority however. So there you go.


Willis said...

I would heart you, but you dont like it, so i'll just say *hugs* instead.

PS: if you ever want to be left alone, tell me to fuck off :P

Phoenix Chapman said...

Wow. I just don't know what else to say.

I am really happy I got to talk to you yesterday, though, you're an amazing person, Kitty :)

(even if you hate the smilies and hearts I will sometimes use)

Rosie said...

same goes with me... on both sentiments. We all battle with secrets and I think it's very brave of you to share. /me gives you a big hug

Loaf said...

I'm so amazed at this post; is really is one of the most moving I've seen on this blog and now I just want to come give you a massive hug!

I know what it's like sharing secrets; many of which I can never tell, but I guess we all have those.

That said, if you ever to work up the courage to come to a meetup, it would be truely awesome to meet you :)

Rob Danton said...

Yup, this is the most moving post that I've read. Thank you. SL is weird in that at first it can seem very shallow. But what I've found is that, because anyone can look great, it really does make you value the person underneath. I am very happy to have you on my friends list. You can tell me to fuck off too. I am broadly unnoffendable, by people I like, anyway...

Pay said...

Oh hell! If you can share all that, I can share this: I have a purplish birthmark on my left buttock that pretty good size ... hypnotic on the beach when I wear a thong, or so I've been told. I'm seriously considering having a tattoo made on it in the shape of the SL logo!