Saturday, 16 August 2008

Invisible


There has been a great deal of hoohah about the SL Secrets thing, I dunno if it's a good idea or a bad one, but that's unimportant. The above picture would have been mine if I could have been arsed to send it in. The words I would have added to it are undecided, however the sentiment remains. Have you ever been at a party and felt like you were watching it rather than participating. Well, I feel like that a lot, and not just at parties either.

Interactions with a group of people have always left me feeling distress on some level. Was I boring, was I trying to hard, did my sarcasm translate meanly to one or more people? Am I not funny, am I too funny? Did I try to take over like some sort of attention seeking monster. Constantly trying to police yourself isn't an easy task, especially when you have a lack of thought editor between your brain and your mouth like I do. Then it all mounts up to this terrible feeling of fifth wheeledness.

I've had this feeling for far too long now and it's slowly doing my head in. I believe I'm forever destined to be the random person. The perpetual gatecrasher of circles of good friends, so I shall be sticking to one to ones from this point. Why try to keep up with the next door neighbours when you have eden sitting in outside your back door. I feel like I've neglected Tie at times recently, and now I'm making amends, she's so amazingly wonderful and I can't think of a better person to take on the world with.

2 comments:

Willis said...

Awww you know me and you are pretty much alike, I often feel the same way as you, which is why i'm pretty antisocial, I spend time with ppl and then forever worry about what I said/did etc.

I, on a totally personal level, think you rock hard, you are one of the funniest people i've ever met, you hug me when i'm feeling shit, you tell me not to worry when I do so unnessearilasyrlarly (can't spell that) and you make me laugh ALL the time.

I reckon "circles" are better with you in them, for sure, and I hope you don't stop having parpy's cos I would miss them, and your interaction very muchly *nods sagely*

I heart you <3 Thanks for being you! <3

Phoenix Chapman said...

I think a lot of people feel exactly like you do...like me.

Every time I've ever talked to you, you've been so awesome and hilarious, it's a little intimidating.

Maybe there should be a group for people like us. But no one would ever talk because everyone would be too worried about how they were coming across. :P