Monday, 5 January 2009

Broadly Offensive does ageplay.

Kitty Lalonde: Wot the bleddy hell are you doin'? Sittin around in a bleddy glass
Tiernan Serpentine looks up from her magazine in annoyance, "Awa' wid yer mam by'eck! Father will be'ome soon and yer pies aren't even in t'oven!"
Kitty Lalonde: Oof! You're a one aren't ya? Talkin to yer own mam like that! You want to get out and get a job instead of sitting around in your smalls all day.. No wonder your as pasty as a milk jug
Kitty Lalonde: And wots all that on yer face.. Done up like a clown, I dunno
Tiernan Serpentine: But mam you always told me to look pretty for them lads, they won't come knockin if I don't look pretty!
Kitty Lalonde: They won't come bleddy knockin if your looking all dreary like one of them bleddy bands you like. Links in the park or whatever they're bleddy called. Why don't you wear some nice pretty dresses like Angie's daughter. She's got loads of fellas lined up. But it's like Angie said to me, she's holdin owt fer a ring. Not like a certain Miss Yo yo knickers.. They'll be buryin you in a bleddy Y shaped coffin, that's fer sure
Tiernan Serpentine huffs and stares at her feet sullenly, "But mam! You said that if I want a nice fella I should make meself up all nice and proper and ladylike, an' I'm just doin wot you said!"
Kitty Lalonde: I said you should put some dresses on, not that, I wouldn't even use that... thing.. as a bleddy support stocking for me varicose veins. No. You want to get a nice dress, pretty yellow one to go with your eyes. My Stan used to say i 'ad the loveliest legs in all of Derby 'e did.
Kitty Lalonde looks you up and down "Course in mah day we didn't show quite as much as you did"
Tiernan Serpentine: Oh mam, it's what we is all wearin' these days. You can't go out for a big night on'town in them silly frocks and petticoats with curlers in your hair!
Kitty Lalonde: Ooo hark at you. Big night on'town. And who's payin' fer all that? Me! That's who! Bleddy muggins 'ere payin fer you to go out dressed up like a tart at night, and sit around in a glass all day. Yer leadin' a charmed life aren't yer?
Tiernan Serpentine flounces and ficks her hair, "I did that job for them boys from the pastry shop, mam, I made me own money. Nowt wrong wi'spendin' me own money on the things what I like, and you shouldn't go runnin' yer mouth at me like that mam 'cause I does lots around t'ouse t'help. I made me bed an'all today!"
Kitty Lalonde: Runnin' yer mouth? RUNNIN' YER MOUTH? Don't come back to me with all yer bleddy poncey southernisms. Talkin' like one o' them bleddy londoners ye see on'telly. Geroff wi yer, goin' ay a wesh an tidy yer room

1 comment:

Dale Innis said...

hahaha rofl ageplay lolz omg haha