Thursday, 10 July 2008

Cybersexxoring 101

Begonia Bint has demanded I speak to you about sex... Whether it's for her hilarity or just desperate cramming we shall see. But nevermind, I give to you an ad hoc 101 to cybering.


Now we're well aware that the repeated use of the word "cock" and "pussy" is going to cause some amount of duress during cybersex, and carry the risk of being the 2 Unlimited of the sex world, and while it is fun to get creative BE CAREFUL.

Acceptable Names

Shaft, cock, cunt, pussy, member (fnar fnar).

Unacceptable Names

Pork sword, love truncheon, beef curtains, nether mouth (Sorry Ms Rice), rod (plumbing?), tool (makes me think of Tetsuo Ironman *shudder*), minge, vagina (ugh), gash.


In the real world FOREPLAY IS GOOD, it is in fact ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY *ahem*. However often in cybering foreplay leads to far too much typing... I mean really you don't have to type 4 sentences for every item of clothing removed, yes my shoes are "Gleaming gently in the dim light of the room, the silky material feeling warm to the touch as they slip sensually off the pristine flesh of my dainty feet" but my batteries are running low already!

Sexual Aids

Not a fleshlight... But the exciting poseballs, body parts and other joyous things that second life offers as direct enhancement to your wanking schedule. It's all been said before, know how to work this stuff and so forth but one thing not said is...

Make sure your prim testicles do not resemble a kilo of brains in a carrier bag and that your cock matches your skin... Thanks.

Ok, I'm bored now, next time we talk to Loaf about his list of "Kitty Cautions".

1 comment:

WillowC said...

I said talk about sects, not talk about sex.

Still, I'm sure it'll come in very handy and I feel fully informed now.

Nether mouth *cringes*