Pretending to know stuff

First off a disclaimer - I know sweet FA about photoshop other than what I've picked up along the way from other people/worked out for myself by poking it. I just felt like sharing some random crap/blogging something.

Right, that done I shall begin. I'm using CS3 I have no idea whether it's the same with CS2 and lower... But nevermind. Basically I'm showing you some delightful filters from Flaming Pear which are lovely and you should all go and try/buy them immediately. Clever thing about filters is they do work on a poking basis and can look all funky and arty without too much effort.

First off my basic picture from Second Life.


I take 99% of my pictures on a white background. Unless I'm trying to get funky with the shadows I use Ana Lu's windlight settings Studio whiter I think it's called makes everything look lovely although can wash some skins out, so poking as ever is order of the day. Once you have the picture in PS use the magic wand (weeeee!) to select all the white background (depending on what you're wearing as to how high your tolerance is) then select the inverse, copy, paste.

You should now have a lovely picture of your arse on an alpha. Create a new layer inbetween alpha'd you and the background and fill it in white. Thus saving your background for any cock ups. Back to the alpha you again now, and we're going to use the flaming pear filter Aetherize.
Aetherize is scarily cool, you'll see the big ring around Glue:Posterior. Well that's because you need it. Other settings can look weird/frightening.


Aetherize is fairly easy to use, apart from Hues, which requires only gentle teasing as it will excitably turn you into a surrealist nightmare. Dreaminess affects the amount of darkness in the picture. Lark about with it as you can get some truely dramatic effects out of it.

Now for a background, you can do whatever you want but I've gone for a nice sky with a gradient and some cloud brushes from DeviantArt. If you've been lazy and not cut every single bit of fucking white out of your hair, then you can cheat by putting white clouds behind your hair. *grins*. For this picture you only need to worry about the top half cos we're going to funk up the bottom with another filter.



Flood, is quite possibly my favourite Flaming Pear filter. It makes gorgeous reflections that you can poke at for hours and hours going "Ooo that's good.. No that's good... Oh wait...". You get the drift. Really though flood is especially awesome and if you only get one filter, get this one.


Done!

Bah!

I was sitting around quite happily and obsessively refreshing new plurks when one from Iris Seale caught my eye. She was asking for thoughts and opinions on The Deeb House, a prefab house made by, amongst others, Asri Falcone. Normally I'd have looked at the pictures and gone "Nice house" and left it at that. But this house is sold for the bargain price of L$18,995.

Now while I freely admit to never buying a house in SL (pet builder ftw) I wanted to see how the rich side live so I duely tp'd off to check it out. I tentatively entered (dude, 19k is a lotta lindens and I didn't want to be paying for damages!) and yeah, from the get go it looks ok. Nothing initially screams to me that it's worth it's 19k nice cos I'm cheap, but nice nonetheless. It's laid out like an episode of cribs and has a realistic feel to it, everythings all in proportion and show homey.

Right, compliments done, lets bring out the bitch. I prewarn you that while all these issues are niggly things, teeny tiny little things that most people will (and prolly do) overlook, I'm a picky fucker and if you want me to spend in the area of £50 quid on a virtual house, it should really be £50's worth of house. It should be the pride and joy of the creator and not look like someones gone "Oh fuck it" towards the end and buggered off to play SLopoly.

I'm not going to go to list every single nitpick here because I haven't bought it, I'm not that stupid, and don't really have much right to, but gappy prims, misaligned textures and a freebie door script which tells you you're at the door (I fucking know, I opened it didn't I?) and plays the same sound for every single door in the place. Well that sort of thing could drive a girl crazy especially when 19k equals a whole lot of sex toys.

In short, in my honest and slightly mouthy opinion anyone who has bought this house is pandering to an inflated ego and needs to back the fuck away from buying stuff. Anyone thinking about buying the deeb house should go to Barnesworth Anubis' and buy something made by someone who actually looks like they give a shit about their work and customers, not just after making the quick buck.

Now I'm well aware this all prolly looks like I have an axe to grind with Asri and I'm all bitter and bitchy, well I kinda am. Le Cadre was a massive thing when I first started SL, and her shop was as busy as Armidi is these days, but my opinion is she sold out. Keeping prices sky high for stuff that now looks old and dated, reselling your business and charging the moon for something you didn't care enough to make sure was perfect? It's all about the money.

Broadly Offensive does ageplay.

Kitty Lalonde: Wot the bleddy hell are you doin'? Sittin around in a bleddy glass
Tiernan Serpentine looks up from her magazine in annoyance, "Awa' wid yer mam by'eck! Father will be'ome soon and yer pies aren't even in t'oven!"
Kitty Lalonde: Oof! You're a one aren't ya? Talkin to yer own mam like that! You want to get out and get a job instead of sitting around in your smalls all day.. No wonder your as pasty as a milk jug
Kitty Lalonde: And wots all that on yer face.. Done up like a clown, I dunno
Tiernan Serpentine: But mam you always told me to look pretty for them lads, they won't come knockin if I don't look pretty!
Kitty Lalonde: They won't come bleddy knockin if your looking all dreary like one of them bleddy bands you like. Links in the park or whatever they're bleddy called. Why don't you wear some nice pretty dresses like Angie's daughter. She's got loads of fellas lined up. But it's like Angie said to me, she's holdin owt fer a ring. Not like a certain Miss Yo yo knickers.. They'll be buryin you in a bleddy Y shaped coffin, that's fer sure
Tiernan Serpentine huffs and stares at her feet sullenly, "But mam! You said that if I want a nice fella I should make meself up all nice and proper and ladylike, an' I'm just doin wot you said!"
Kitty Lalonde: I said you should put some dresses on, not that, I wouldn't even use that... thing.. as a bleddy support stocking for me varicose veins. No. You want to get a nice dress, pretty yellow one to go with your eyes. My Stan used to say i 'ad the loveliest legs in all of Derby 'e did.
Kitty Lalonde looks you up and down "Course in mah day we didn't show quite as much as you did"
Tiernan Serpentine: Oh mam, it's what we is all wearin' these days. You can't go out for a big night on'town in them silly frocks and petticoats with curlers in your hair!
Kitty Lalonde: Ooo hark at you. Big night on'town. And who's payin' fer all that? Me! That's who! Bleddy muggins 'ere payin fer you to go out dressed up like a tart at night, and sit around in a glass all day. Yer leadin' a charmed life aren't yer?
Tiernan Serpentine flounces and ficks her hair, "I did that job for them boys from the pastry shop, mam, I made me own money. Nowt wrong wi'spendin' me own money on the things what I like, and you shouldn't go runnin' yer mouth at me like that mam 'cause I does lots around t'ouse t'help. I made me bed an'all today!"
Kitty Lalonde: Runnin' yer mouth? RUNNIN' YER MOUTH? Don't come back to me with all yer bleddy poncey southernisms. Talkin' like one o' them bleddy londoners ye see on'telly. Geroff wi yer, goin' ay a wesh an tidy yer room

Meme love... LAST!

Internet memes are spontaneous expressions of some current craze or idea, so here's my version of Kitty's meme... like two weeks too late (I was busy masturbating!).

Five outfits I used to wear. I'd like to point out before the picture that these outfits are from 'back in the day' when there wasn't very much clothing choice really, especially not in the prim shoe department. And you wore whatever you could lay your eager hands on.


From left to right I r wearing Kitty and Capris by Jolie Lumiere, denim whore pants from Lost along with celine hot pink booty boots from Le Cadre (both of which I used to live in for quite a few months. The third outfit consists of Sythia Veil's pink skull outfit along with the lovely cum fuk me boots also from Le Cadre... were there actually any other prim shoe shops in 2004? And finally Barerose's egoist outfit. Most of these clothes are no doubt no longer available which on balance is for the best.


Onto stuffs I currently wear which mostly comprises things from the slutty casual wardrobe. My lovely nipple revealing (not shown) anjuna shirt from Zaara with a Hollee's bra, and League woodstock jeans with Pornstar Xtra high-tops which are both pretty much glued on a lot of the time. Oh! And the very funky little skirt from Blow-up which I own in many, many variations.


And finally stuff I have NEVER worn, honest. Ummm the first one was some sort of moment of madness in Weird Shit with a thought process along the lines of, 'what an amusing outfit, that'll come in handy'. On the other hand the Aoharu orange wave dress and rubber booties from Schmooz with little pictures of Che Guevara on I do genuinely love, but they're just too blindingly bright and colourful to actually wear. Number three... yes well, it will be the perfect outfit for a period tea party event one day. And finally a random trouser outfit from my vast Last Call folder. It's beautifully made and textured like everything from Last Call and also never worn like pretty much everything in that folder.

What's in my bag? (You'll wish you never asked)

Ummm yes.. First off I'd like to mention the things I DIDN'T include, which is a good kilo of receipts bus tickets and other random shit. I was going to, but then I realised that if I did do that then I would have to throw them away and clean the bag etc, which I really couldn't be arsed to do. Also my keys cos they live in the door unless I'm out.

Soooooo on with the contents!



















1 - Is my bag, it's a huge Billabong vinyl satchel thing that you can move house in which my friend gave me. It's wipe clean too which is handy.

2 - Random ropes and chains

3 - My old trustworthy whip, it's completely frayed but the leather still creaks and it smells nice so who cares.

4 - Usual boring handcuffs

5 - Pink anal beads

6 - Jackie O esque sunnies, useful all year round for face hiding and outward appearance of aloofness.

7 - My lil iPod nano, old and full of shit.. Much like me these days

8 - My Rabbit, Tie bought me this for my birthday and it's the best friend a girl can have.

9 - Big rubbery and scares the bejeezus out of people, inflatable dildos ftw

10 - Clothes pegs

11 - Vouchers for Subway! VITAL to carry with one at all times

12 - An ancient £5 gift voucher of Tie's for Our Price, I dunno if the shops still exist though

13 - My Animal wallet, I love this, although I once left it on the roof of the car and it got lost, but then returned to me a week later by the police, slightly knackered but still containing £11.80.

14 - Mobile, picked because it has DISCO LIGHTS!!! (Not shown)

15 - Two pound coin and a Morrisons shopping trolley pound

16 - Smoking paraphenalia. I smoke rollies but use roaches in them, meaning I leave a small trail of torn up rizla packet wherever I go.


And thus endeth the tour.

Where have all the memes gone?

Well who knows, but I decided to get over it by making my own, which no one will do and I will have some sort of paranoid breakdown but hey ho.

It's quite simple, relating to SL clothing, five things you always wear, 5 things you used to wear and five things you never wear. These have to be things you've purchased, no gifts or freebies, and you can just write about them or make purty pictures.

Got it? Excellent, so here's mine


I'm uber lazy so I mashed all the pictures together, the first get up you have to ignore the skirt, but it's basically the sweetest goodbye top with an unfathomable name. The Sinistyle boots and WRONG Fishnets. Next the gearshift jeans that I live in with the Juicy shoes.

For stuff I used to wear is the Suave shirt from Wintermoon which sadly got upgraded for the Armidi one although Suave shows more tit, which is good for showing more tit. Shiny thing boots which everyone with half a braincell own and a mini skirt from a last call set. Then is my beloved Versu pants from Nomine back from the dark ages of 2004 which do freaky things to your feet now.
Finally the Dark Eden boots, Etain herself (Namedrop WOOO!) told me that she always thought they looked unrealistic in the stuff and things but I didn't care. These boots got me more IM's of the 'Where did you get them' variety than I care to remember.


Now the best bit. The things I NEVER wear. I dunno where that jumpers from, I also don't know why I bought it. It's not horrible but It's never got further than "Nah....." in the wearing stakes. Then the dress. I bought that because the owner was there and talking to me. And she was nice, and I didn't want to tell her that I thought her shop was overpriced so I bought it. Go me. The boots are the first sculpties or boots EVER in SL. Which is why I keep them in a special box locked away from all and sundry *cough*.

Next is an outfit from Savvy? Now I loved this, and I still do, I just never find the right moment to wear it. Suggestions welcome in comments. And finally Armidi, stupidly expensive, very pink. Why? Who knows?

Anyhoo, more from me soon I promise.

Bitchtastic

I have just returned from the shittest school concert known to man. Now a lot of you nice people out there will be aghast at me claiming the sweet and innocent voices of youth is shit. But hear me out. I have no problem with the children, the songs they sang were wonderful and I could listen to them for ages... When they got to sing that is. Cos oh no, they're head master in his infinite wisdom used the school christmas concert as a show case for him and his wife to bestow the poor parents with their karaoke stylee renderings of the crappest songs of yesteryear.

Seriously, this man would have been most likely welcomed at your average old fuckers working mens club, or perhaps a sagaish holiday camp where the patrons shorten each others lives pretending to be Frank Sinatra singing from inside a tuba. But no, this was a SCHOOL CONCERT. And his warbling wife... Puhlease... Love, you may have missed a glittering career in operatic singing due to the fact that you generally sucked at it, but that's no reason to take it out on the rest of us.

As I sat there wondering whether I could will my liver to implode thus allowing me to escape the cruelest of tortures I had a fleeting glimpse into the lives of these people, how their poor relatives most be tortured at family celebrations. Although they're prolly all fucked up and join in.

So in summary, school concerts are for school children and NOT for teachers who want to sing Neil fucking Sedaka.

Kthnxbai